Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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