dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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