Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
