Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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