Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
