suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
