Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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