So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
