so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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