there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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