A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Still dying that you shit outside
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
