the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
