I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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