with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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