I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
