She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
