Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
