Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
