I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
