omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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