I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
