and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
