my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
