it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
