Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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