Cold hands, warm shart.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so let's talk penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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