ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's rum buckets o'clock
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
