I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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