I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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