So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
