I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
