i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
