it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
