and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
