I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
