I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
