I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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