I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
