I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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