My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The adults are the big ones right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
