So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
