In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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