Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
