I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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