So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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