he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
