I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
