HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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