you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
