Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize