Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
