I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.