i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?