The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.