that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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