is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together