While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.