i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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