Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
