I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
