i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
