I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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