Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
