Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
