Yo dont text me then not text me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
