It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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