I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
