yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
