i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
