Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
