The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
