They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This house was built for laser tag.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
